I feel like I am standing in the middle of nowhere, nothing falling under my eyesight, feels like I am surrounded by nothing but darkness.
And while I am standing here I feel of what’s left of my broken heart falling into my naked hands and finally shattering on the floor, piece by piece, bit by bit.
Remembering makes my body ache and my head dizzy. Back then I used to gaze at you, longed for you but you had a beautiful person beside you.
Because life draw us together and both of you drifted apart I tried to believe everything was fine, at peace. I tried hard to numb my insecurities, to silence all the jealous thoughts that kept floating into my head.
Was I just a replacement? Is that love of yours still alive?
I was the one that stay by your side, imposing maybe…“Stay beside me…” you whispered.
I feel like crying.
Why was I the one to receive that gift if you kept breaking my heart? In the end almost nothing of it was left. I hold onto it hoping so. My eyes are stinging from the tears I am not allowing to fall, my hand feels bewilder, and I am cold.
I am sorry I never really told you how I felt. Am I at fault for not voicing my feelings when I am uncertain of yours?
The past I feared came back wandering and I forgot to breath. It didn’t take long for me to realize where your wants lies, who you had chosen since the beginning. Even so I let myself be spoiled by you, in those moments when you gave me warmth I thought that love was given as well, and this forged reality made me at ease.
My hands are numb and my feet are cold while I am standing in front of your house. It seems like it is going to rain. I don’t really mind.
All I have to do is… get inside the house.
I picked my clothes, those small objects sometimes forgotten, packed all my stuff, sighed trying to find some calmness. And right before I left I recall the heavy key in my hand and that small and tiny gift of yours. I left them on the top of the drawer. I looked back inside one more time, opened the door…
And I left.